Should a Christian Stand Behind a Family Member That Abandons His Wife

Dr. Ab Abercrombie

Don had been married xxx years to the wife of his youth. Together they raised iii children, built two careers, and seemed headed for late-life contentment. Suddenly Don'southward wife announced, "I don't love you lot. This marriage has been a mistake from the beginning. I want a divorce."

Janice had been married 19 years when her husband left her without explanation. Inside weeks, he abandoned his job, relocated, and refuses to speak to his wife and children. Every bit a stay-at-home mother, she is without fiscal support and terrified for her future. Her hubby has "left the grid" and refuses to answer.

Both couples profess Christ and previously demonstrated evidence of salvation and fruit inside their respective homes. Regrettably these stories are far likewise common inside God's Church, and the Torso is facing an onslaught of spousal abandonment. There is increasing need for biblical counsel on this topic and we must examine God's Word on the matter.

Equally a biblical counselor I accept repeatedly heard that  "abandonment" is biblical grounds for divorce. I have heard information technology from pastors, leaders, and individuals who have been deserted. But does Scripture support this claim. Jesus said:

"Information technology was said , ' WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE Abroad , Allow HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE '; but I say to you lot that everyone who divorces his wife , except for the reason of unchastity , makes her commit adultery ; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits infidelity " (Matt v:31-32).

Jesus never wavered on this point. No other reference to an acceptable divorce appears in Scripture. And even the matter of sexual immorality is to first exist addressed under the biblical themes of forgiveness, reconciliation, and obedience to the admonition that God hates divorce (Mal  2:sixteen).

Often the victim of abandonment will have no choice. The spouse who leaves may initiate a divorce and decline reconciliation. On this point, the rejected spouse has little recourse. Yet too oftentimes, the abandonment results in a prolonged separation, with the absent spouse taking no steps toward a permanent ending. What then should be our counsel?

Many times abandoned spouses are encouraged to initiate divorce, wrongly claiming biblical absolution for doing so.  Other times counselors rely on the wisdom of compassion, citing the suffering and hardship of the one left alone. And finally, counselors justify their advice to divorce with secular reasoning such as the need for financial support, personal rights, and individual protection. Merely counselors must be cautious in setting misplaced sympathy, legal rights, and human judgment ahead of God's standard.

The simply biblical exception noted on the issue of abandonment deals with the departure of unbelievers. If only one of the partners is a Christian, he/she must remain with the unbeliever as long equally he/she wishes to stay. Notwithstanding, Paul wrote:

Nevertheless if the unbelieving one leaves , let him leave ; the blood brother or the sis is not under bondage in such cases, merely God has called us to peace (1 Cor vii:fifteen).

Obviously this release is not given to a marriage that is as spring together (two Cor half-dozen:14). In this case the admonition of Christ is clear:

"Then they are no longer two , only one flesh . What therefore God has joined together , allow no man separate " (Matt 19:6).

God never ordains marital separation considering it requires the cutting of flesh for the union to be severed. Regarding the division of marriage, Scripture states:

"For the Lord God of Israel says

That He hates divorce,

For it covers ane's garment with violence" (Mal two:16, NKJV).

"Violence" is God'due south description of divorce. It is a cutting and murderous act that the Christian must avoid at all cost. And even when 1 spouse is injured and vulnerable when abased, he/she must not advance the violence by terminating the union.

Clearly this path of endurance is hard, and even unjust. Even so our counsel must be God's counsel…no matter the intensity of our empathy and the secular measurement of fairness. God calls the believer to go far beyond the perseverance of the world and to do the unexpected. Peter wrote:

For this finds favor , if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly (1 Pet two:19).

Abandonment is indeed unjust, and the suffering is bang-up. But when our "conscience" (heed and eye) is on God, He promises "favor" (grace) in our endurance. He further encourages u.s. to make certain we do not add to our suffering through a sinful response to mistreatment:

For what credit is there if , when you sin and are harshly treated , you endure it with patience ? (ane Pet ii:20a).

God ever calls His children to answer sin with righteousness. In spite of our circumstance nosotros must answer injury with stability, trust, perseverance, and faith. We are chosen to exercise the correct things even when others are interim wrongly. Continuing Peter wrote:

But if when you lot do what is right and suffer for information technology you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God (i Pet ii:20b).

Doing "what is right" means following God's standard without regard to the actions of others or the uncertainty of one's circumstance. This call is without exception and is meant for application in the most severe and extreme situations of life. When suffering injustice, believers are prompted to call up Jesus every bit our example:

For you have been chosen for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for y'all, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps , WHO COMMITTED NO SIN , NOR WAS Whatsoever DECEIT Plant IN HIS Oral cavity ; and while being reviled , He did not revile in return ; while suffering , He uttered no threats , but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously …(1 Pet two:21-23).

The grief of abandonment is keen and the earthly consequence tin be dire. Many times divorce cannot be avoided because the absent spouse, along with the courts, will require a legal ending. Merely when the option remains with the abandoned one, he/she must rally and rely upon "Him who judges righteously." Paul wrote:

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone . Respect what is right in the sight of all men . If possible , so far as it depends on yous, be at peace with all men . .. Do not exist overcome by evil , but overcome evil with good (Rom 12:17-xviii, 21).

Kurt left Jennifer suddenly after twelve years of spousal relationship. Kurt'south departure shocked his pastor and became the focus of much anger and word within the church. After numerous unsuccessful attempts to contact Kurt for support and reconciliation, the Church Body began to advice Jennifer to divorce for her own protection. According to her friends, she needed "economic support and legal protection" from the potential actions of her sinful husband.

Just Jennifer searched the Scriptures for answers. She even hoped for some exception that would permit her to pursue some legal remedy. Only repeatedly she was shown God's disdain for divorce and His telephone call to endurance. She committed herself to "what is right" (1 Pet 2:20) even if she suffered. She entrusted herself to God, even as the world advised her to take an alternative route.

One twelvemonth passed without her hubby'southward return. Kurt was involved with another woman. He wanted Jennifer to initiate a divorce but she refused. For reasons unseen, Kurt never took legal action. Jennifer waited equally her house was sold at a loss. She moved with her children into her parent'due south habitation. She took a task to support herself. She continued to trust and expect.

A 2nd year passed without change while she continued to pray for restoration. The church building, stirred past her perseverance withdrew their counsel to divorce and joined her in prayerful intercession. The men of the church continued to reach out to Kurt, confronting his sin while encouraging his repentance and return to Christ.

Jennifer met every threat with meekness and grace. She remained placidity when threatened. She did not defend herself when accused. She did not slander her husband but prayed for his recovery.

In the 3rd year Kurt returned. Broken, sorrowful, repentant, and humble, he begged forgiveness. And Jennifer extended grace, much like the grace she had received in the midst of this unjust trial.

The residue of sin is hard. Their time of recover was lengthy and riddled with emotion and pain. Yet in the end, God's favor (1 Pet ii:xx) was sufficient and their spousal relationship was restored to the glory of God. Together Kurt and Jennifer found the promises of God to be faithful and true, seeing that fifty-fifty the travesty of abandonment and the defilement of immorality could not overcome God's beloved and intent for the marital spousal relationship.

Who is there to harm you if y'all prove zealous for what is proficient ? Only even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness , y'all are blessed …For it is ameliorate , if God should will it so, that you lot suffer for doing what is correct rather than for doing what is incorrect (1 Pet 3:xiii-14, 17).

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Source: https://bcinstitute.com/marital-abandonment/

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